How to Support a Guy Who Has Been Hurt In a Past Relationship

Most, if not all, of us, have been hurt in the past, and no more so than in a past relationship.

The experience of losing love, and the pain that goes with it, comes knowledge and a more in-depth understanding of others who are going through a similar situation.

If your partner is currently experiencing grief and loss over his past relationship, you no doubt, will have some understanding of how he feels. Your partner's feelings can stir up issues for you because when we connect with another on an intimate level, we can suffer triggers and emotions from our unresolved issues and baggage from the past.

The more profound your connection and intimacy with another, the more likely they’re going to trigger anything in you that has not healed.

If you have unresolved issues from a previous relationship and still ‘carry a torch’ for an ex, this can cause you to become jealous, amongst other feelings, and question how much you trust your partner; this is 'projection'- you’re projecting your unresolved issues and feelings on to your partner.

When you don’t trust your partner, and they appear to have difficulties letting you in emotionally because of their past wounds, this is a recipe for disaster. Just imagine it “he’s struggling to open up his heart because of his past relationship” and “you’re not letting him in because you don’t trust him;” it’s just not going to work!

If you are 'triggered' by your partner, it's because you have something to resolve and heal within you. Take this opportunity to reflect on your unresolved issues.

On the other hand, if:

• You are ‘baggage free’ – okay, not quite ‘baggage FREE’ but you have some ‘luggage,’ and this situation with your partner is not triggering you in this instance.
• You have feelings for your partner.
• You see the potential in the relationship.

You can come from a place that is: 

• Supportive. 
• Judgment-free. 
• Without attachment to the outcome.

When you are ‘judgment’ FREE and can come from a loving and supportive space for your partner, you are giving him the opportunity to release his pain and insecurities about being hurt again.

See your partner for who he is.

The more you can love and appreciate your partner, without passing judgment on his feelings, thoughts, and behavior, the more loving energy your partner will receive from you to see the truth of his current situation; he has a loyal partner in you, and he can release his past relationship.

We all have different ways of dealing with issues and feelings. Just because you might want to talk about how you feel and tell 20 different people the same story over and over again does not mean that your partner is the same.

Your partner may, in fact, be the total opposite of you, which can be the case - 'Opposites Attract,' - he might want to withdraw to process his feelings and go into his 'Man Cave.'

Do not see your partner retreating (if he does) as a sign of 'rejection' and take it personally.

Continue to hold a loving and supportive space, that has no attachment to the outcome, and as a result, your connection with your partner will be completely different from a co-dependent relationship, and possibly any relationship you’ve experienced in the past.

Sharon Craig, Relationship Coach – www.coach2connect.co