Relationship Requirements

We all have non-negotiable relationship requirements that must be met in order for a relationship to work. It is beneficial to know your Requirements before you get into a relationship.

The basic criteria necessary to fulfil your Vision for your life and relationship are your “Requirements.”




The test for a Requirement is that the relationship will not work for you if it is missing. Requirements are generally non-negotiable, and when one Requirement is missing, it often results in a failed relationship.

An example of a common Requirement is fidelity, which for many people, is non-negotiable; if the Requirement is unmet, the relationship will not work. Requirements are normally ‘deal breakers’!

Knowing and understanding your Requirements, and sharing these with your partner, or potential partner, as soon as possible is important to ensure they are met and you have a healthy and happy relationship. What attributes does your partner bring to the relationship to support each of the relationship Requirements?

Requirements are behavioural characteristics of your ideal relationship and are not traits of your partner.

The following is a sample list of Requirements (you may have other ideas):
Accept/appreciate differences
Addiction-Free
Authenticity
Balance of giving and receiving
Commitment to self-awareness
Common vision/purpose
Emotional intimacy
Flexibility
Good listening
Independence
Integrity
Love children
Love pets
Monogamy/fidelity
Mutual emotional support
Mutual respect
Open communication
Organised
Passionate
Respectful
Romance
Sensuality
Shared domestic responsibilities
Shared sense of humour
Spontaneity
Support each other’s goals
Trust

NOW:

• Try to compile a list of no more than 6 Requirements.
• For each Requirement listed, apply the test; “Could a relationship possibly work for me if this Requirement was missing?”, which means: if the Requirement is missing, you would have to leave the relationship sooner, or later, no matter how committed you were or how much you loved each other and wanted to make it work.
• Be honest and rigorous in testing each Requirement. If you can come up with an exception, a way to stay and make the relationship work without meeting the Requirement, then it is not a Requirement. Requirements that don’t pass the test are most likely needs.
• Requirements commonly involve religion, children, money, lifestyle, values, goals, etc. An unmet Requirement is usually an unsolvable problem.

The three main choices in dealing with an unsolvable problem, such as an unmet Requirement, in a relationship are:

(1) leave the relationship (common);

(2) let go of the Requirement (possible but rare); and

(3) negotiate workable solutions (possible but difficult, even with professional intervention).

If a Requirement is not met, consider, what must happen in the relationship for it to be met.


At Coach 2 Connect, I use simple and highly effective techniques to help you to identify your relationship Vision, Requirements, Needs and Wants to support you to build your ideal relationship.

© Coach 2 Connect. RCI. Sharon Craig 2017. All rights reservedRCI. Sharon Craig 2017. All rights reserved